i’ve had that terrible flu & i just can’t seem to get over it. i’ll have a few good days & then i’ll be back in bed for three or four. i guess it’s true what they say about age … you just don’t bounce back like you used to.
i spent a few days last week going through every poem i ever wrote. going through my notebooks & going through my folders of “work copies”, the original copies of poems & the various changes they’ve gone through. these folders were arranged more or less according to date, but i took all the poems & organized them by title (& of course some of the titles changed throughout the years, which had to be accounted for). when i was done, i pulled out the poems i wanted to work on & put them in the “in traffic” folder. so now i am very slowly, very painstakingly, working through 40 years of poems, rewriting them as sonnets. many of them are already sonnets, they just need to be freed from extraneous verbiage. at least now i have a system.
this is one of the ones i just edited. it was originally written in 2009, not intentionally as a sonnet, but looking at it a few years later, i realized had many sonnet-like qualities. it’s one of my favorites from this period of time.
i knew, i knew this was going to be bad.
madness shines through my eyes like a milky way of nothingness.
this is not me. this is exactly who i am. this is my true self. oh sweet lord, this is my exultation & my doom. until infinity.
i am a backwards cinderella with a broken toe. my shoes are shattered. my shoes are red. i want to dance all night long. i am in the wrong fairy tale.
i am mixed up.
i am possessed by a wizard who promised me all his love & his life. i am his slave. i want freedom but no, no, no, sweet lord, don’t take this man from me, he is my exultation & my doom. until infinity.
& the nights go on & the days dawn & i am i am i am.
until exultation & doom.